Empty but Full

I am typing this blog honestly having no idea where this is coming from. I am so tired of not being full. Full of Jesus that is to fully know him and understand him. Because honestly you cannot be semi full of the Jesus and Semi full of the world it doesn't work that way. You cannot desire Jesus yet still run to that "comfort" you know in the world when you don't "feel" you are receiving fully from Jesus. I know I am so sick of having a void in my heart something I am always trying to fill in my heart. Where the real question should be where am I lacking putting my time and effort into trusting God. In my interns class today my Pastor asked us to write down if we could have anything spiritually what would it be I wrote down this" if I could have anything spiritually it would have to be to trust God fully no second thoughts or questions just trust." I do that is the desire of my heart is to trust God and to know that it is all going to be ok. I keep telling myself that but it is so hard to fully take heart and say NO my God is bigger than this. I am so tired of taking one big spiritual step forward then a slip back wards. I ask my self why am I looking at this "worldly" object isn't my God enough for me. WE all hear those songs that go you satisfy my soul I want to fully know that what it means to be 110% satisfied. I know at one point I was and somehow it has diminished a little but I shouldn't let the storms affect my relationship, these past 3 years I have been save that is my life verse Hebrews 12:1-2 to preserve but maybe that isn't enough anymore, ya my heart might be preserving but if my soul and mind do not work in a trinity nothing can happen I cannot advance forward or go its like I am stuck. But God doesn't want me to be stuck but to keep going and to hear His voice, even though yeah I might not like it all the time but it will be worth it. I just want Jesus. I want Him to fill that void back up in me. To not look to the things of this world anymore to fill when I am empty. Because the only thing that should be filling me is Jesus's love. To rely on Him when I am feeling empty for He is my portion and He will fill my cup. God is doing something great in this season in my life and I think it is all about trust...


God Bless