Rivers in the Wasteland

Where to even begin what is going on in my life right now... So many good things God is doing yet walking through some of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life. In a sense I feel like Job for these past couple of months a lot has been taken away from me, my job, my health and very personal things that were so dear to my heart. But the one thing that hasn't been taken is my God. He is there holding me and supporting me. Pursing me with an endless love a love I don't think I will ever be able to fully comprehend it. I will say this that I have been drifting from my faith these past months and this past weekend was a wake up call to me. Something awful happened to me but it made me realize how much God is still there and hasn't ever left me one step of this journey. And I know He is starting something new something glorious in my life that is going to bring Him ultimate glory. 

God has shaken my world more this past week than in the past 8 years of walking with the Lord. He has taken me through many scriptures and has made His WORD alive in the darkest, deepest and most dead parts of my heart. 

I have been reading through Hosea and cannot help but weep and cry over the beautiful love of my Saviour. And the Redeeming love that is HIS character. Basically the story of Hosea is a God fearing man named Hosea who God commanded him to marry a prostitute named Gomer. And when she was loving other men Hosea was still chasing her and bought her back in more than full. 

And it got me thinking how much more am I like Gomer, I have been chasing after other lovers seeking what is suppose to make me "happy" but I end up on my face each and every time. But then God came running after me and in my nakedness He clothed me in His righteousness. God knows what it is like to be naked and afraid, He knows... So many people leave this out in art of Jesus hanging on the cross but the Bible is very clear that Jesus had no clothes and it is a horrific death but a beautiful ending the reason Christ died like that was so that He could clothe us in His righteousness. 

Anyways back to the story of Hosea it is my life theme right now is REDEEMING LOVE. In Hosea  2:14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her to the wilderness and I will there speak tenderly to her in love." 

God is Hosea's character that He speaks tenderly to us in love and in the wilderness it is not a bad thing for God is going to provide through the wilderness He will provide for all of our needs it is a matter is if we trust Him or not. 

I don't know what my tomorrow holds but I do know God's pursing love has not given up on me and that He will keep pursing me and wooing me with His sweet and beautiful love. I am that Gomer I was seeking after the ways of the world but God came and bought me back in full. He bought me through His precious blood of His only Son that it is the blood that washes all my sins away. 

The wilderness season is never a bad thing because it shows you where your faith lies and what it lies in. The God I serve I know will provide for all my needs and He will remain strong. He will constantly pursue me even at times when I have been faithless He remained Faithful to me just as Hosea remained Faithful to Gomer. 

I am so blessed to be where I am today and by the grace of God have air in my lungs and hands to worship God. I am a Child of God and He is mine. I do not have to be afraid for I am His. 

The Rocky Season.

You know I wish there was a book right next to Cinderella in your childhood that would prepare you for how being an adult is actually suppose to look like and feel like. I wish there was a simple fairy godmother that made magical pixie dust and your life was alright. Well I am going to be honest my life is so hard right now oh so many people can look at me and tell me at least it isn't cancer or you aren't on your death bed Mak cheer up. But for a minute I am going to be transparent and tell you how hard it is, how hard it is having an Auto Immune Disease and not only that but they recently found I have Endometriosis. It is hard being in pain almost 24/7 having my body flare up on me and being in so much pain I am in fetal position crying. My life is no fairy tale right now or some cheery, happy sunshine and skittles song but rather a dark and kind of sad song... I want to get better I want to wake up and have my life I used to have to be happy and healthy. To not be in pain and I know this has a reason and purpose in my life. I am thankful though... Oh wait Mak how can you be thankful when you just said you are miserable? Well let me tell you. I believe in a Sovereign and Mighty God who is walking by me every mile of this journey you know from time to time I thought God would be this crazy loud voice to keep pushing forward but that isn't so much right now but rather His voice is still and small whispering in my ear to keep moving, keep walking and keep going. Because this is just a still small moment in the grand scheme of things.We take a look in the bible of Job the Lord's servant who humble himself and still stood before God willing to do whatever would bring God the most glory, He didn't give up on God and nor will I give up on God. For He has a plan and purpose sometimes we may not see it right away but that doesn't me God isn't good. I am learning the more I lose myself the more I can find myself in Him for He has truly got my back and He is faithful despite me being faithless. I can't make my pain go away as much as I want to but I know in a sense I have been ultimately healed for there will be a day where there is no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped from their eyes. No childhood book ever prepares you for adulthood but I know for certain the Bible will guide me and challenge me to go deeper and to press through. For we are free to struggle but we are not struggling to be Free. Christ paid for my sickness when He went to Calvary and one day it is going to be the most amazing moment seeing my Lord and Saviour face to face. So slowly but surely I am relying on Him for my strength daily to get me through there are some days that pain is the worst and it sucks and I can't move but I know one person who will never give up on me is Jesus. For He is my light and Salvation, He is my Refuge and My Rock and My REDEEMER.......