Walls, Rebuilding and Growth

There has been so many thoughts lately that run about in my mind...Sometimes I feel lost in my mind then other times I view it as a colorful chaos...Dancing with the waves of life that toss me around. 

This past week I listened to a podcast about Nehemiah and the walls they were building in Jerusalem. Nehemiah is not a book that is not talked about in light, or it isn't a book that is preached on a lot. 

Some of the consistence themes of Nehemiah are the following... with the biggest theme is God Rebuilds amid ruins...

Faithfulness in Difficult Seasons 

Prayer and Dependence on God

Restoration and Rebuilding 

Courageous Leadership 

Perseverance through Opposition. 

Community and Unity 

Wow... let's take a minute to re-read through these themes. If anything was a takeaway from Bible College is seeing the theme out of the whole book prior and then how it ties into the whole biblical story picture. 

Some of the key verses are Neh. 6:3-"I am carrying a great project and cannot go down." and one of my personal favorite scriptures in the bible is, Neh. 8:10 "The Joy of the LORD is my strength." 

So many times, we look at walls and ask how did they get there? Why is a wall important, and sometimes walls can be a bad thing, sometimes we build walls where there was never meant to be a wall. For instance, I think of my heart I have built walls around my heart and brick by brick they were built by heart, heartbreak and seasons where I didn't think I would have to walk through. Bricks of tears, fears and failed dreams. Bricks of Sorrow, depressions, loss and grief... 

Walls that have been built by pain... but what if just what if... God is wanting to rebuild... Rebuild, restore and redeem. 

In the bible Nehemiah was grieved, he was in pain hearing Jerusalem's walls were still broken down and the gates burned... 

I know it grieves God's heart tremendously watching his children suffer, watching his children build walls around the pain and not letting anyone in, if anything I have learned in my life is this. God hates pain, God hates seeing us cry and God wants to break down our walls so we will let him in. 

Many scholars believe that the walls built in Nehemiah also represented and strongly connected that God can take something so devasted and piece by piece only HE can rebuild it into something beautiful...

Brick by brick he can take down the walls of pain, the YEARS it took to build this wall around our heart to make sure no one even comes close to hurting us again....

I have always loved the quote by C.S. Lewis "To love is to be vulnerable." Vulnerability takes tremendous strength to even have friends when you have been burned so much in your life, so many people have walked out and you question the pain, or you look at the stone you placed around your heart wailing and crying anytime you see it as the stone reminds you why you secured it around your heart. 

 Some of these themes in the book of Nehemiah is absolutely beautiful the first one 

God's Faithfulness in Difficult Seasons 

I often think about my life and there has been very many difficult seasons, leave bible college, lost friends, lost lovers I thought would be in my life, the grief of knowing I will never hold my 6 babies here on earth side, the tears sown in the years of memories with my beloved Grandma, I could go on. Pain serves a purpose and I believe that purpose is to point you to our Creator... Pain can produce beauty only if you allow it to. 

What I reflect on after I wrote that previous paragraph is this... Nevertheless, has God not been faithful...Every pain, every season of not sure how I would make it through the next day His faithfulness has always been there. Providing daily for my needs in seasons where I didn't even know I was going to make it. It is who God is... God cannot deny himself and He has promised He will always be faithful to us and be here for us. 

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is GOD; He is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations."-Duet. 7:9

Prayer and Dependence on God

My goodness I love this theme prayer and dependence on God. If anything, God is the one person that will never ever fail, you in this life. He is dependable and I have so many times in my life that He has provided and taken care of me even when it seemed naturally impossible. For nothing is impossible for God, if He split the sea, He will split your sea too. 

Prayer is constant communication with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. What I love always is 

James 5:6 "The prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective." 

Not only does God hear our prayers but they are powerful and effective, God's word doesn't lie now some of the prayers we pray we may not see them in this lifetime but the generations to come. I think of high school sometimes how every Tuesday a group of friends and I would meet and we would prayer walk over our high school campus and just come to pray together for prayer does move mountains. 

Restoration and Rebuilding 

Sometimes I look at my current life situation and I ask, "God how will you restore and rebuild my life that seems to be in the ruins right now?"

The difficult times in my life I now see how God moved, worked and rebuilt... The rubble, the frustrations, the broken dream and the ruins... he gently came with a hammer, cement and more to rebuild the most beautiful architectural masterpiece, giving God control and he has rebuilt. 

I think one of the most beautiful pieces he has restored and rebuilt-has been blessing me to become a mom..

Miscarriages change you. Pain changes you.... extremely trigger warning (don't read if you've dealt with a miscarriage"

Loosing so much blood, while you had no idea you were even pregnant is something I wouldn't wish on my enemies. grieving, flushing, bleeding....the tears begging that God would breath life back into my baby's lungs, begging God to let them live again. Tears of agony and pain knowing you will never get to hold that baby again here on earth side. 

This is one of the biggest pillars he rebuilt was I now have 2 of the most heaven-sent children in my life.. I think back to 2019-2020 I begged God; I pleaded Lord why does this keep happening... don't you see my desire, don't you care.... 

I didn't see what He was allowing back then but I see it now. It happened perfectly in His timing... 

Every word of God is a promise and we can rest assure on it. 

"I will restore to you the years that the locust have eaten."-Joel 2:25

meditate on that for one minute repeat it twice you... He WILL restore the years that the locust have eaten. It isn't well your pain is too much, those miscarriages will not be redeemed. No he is making a promise He will restore the years of pain... 

There has been so many themes of God's faithfulness admist my unbelief in my life. If I could type this out we would be here a long time. 

My thoughts are getting a little scattered but I am happy to be writing again and discovering myself again after many years of pain. 

Please know I am here for you and you never have to walk through pain alone. You are loved, you are not alone. 

Please reach out to me if you need prayer, a hug or even a friend to listen to..

With Love 

Makayla Chalee 

Grief...

 Today I wanted to talk about grief... I think it is something that isn't talked about enough because we want to hide the pain, we want to not be vulnerable...Grief can be so painful, it can be screaming while having your heart be wide open bleeding everywhere. 

Grief can come in waves too, sometimes they are tsunami's and sometimes they are ripples. But if you sit long enough in the waves to let the emotions roll over your feet you will learn something. You are strong enough to withstand the waves. You are strong enough to withstand... 

I have had so much grief in my life from: loosing friendships, my dog Timber, not finishing Bible College 6 of my babies, my Grandma, my dog Rosie, jobs, the idea of having a body without auto immune disease, and I have lost parts of myself I don't ever think I will be able to retrieve. But maybe just maybe in part of grief you end up finding a better, a more hopeful version of yourself. 

I think of my grandma often, she lived to be 100 years old, she passed away April 2025, she was such a cornerstone of my faith and a pillar of hope in my life. Any time I would call her we would have the most special conversations. During the end of every phone call she would say "Makayla I pray for you all the time." How I wish I could hear her voice one more time. I wish I could pick up that telephone and listen to her one more time or write her one more letter...

I think we are scared to sit in our grief for a moment and listen to the waves of emotional pain wash over our bleeding hearts. I think we are scared to slow down and just listen to what our grief is trying to tell us. 

Psalm 10:14 states this. 

"But you, God (YAHWEH), see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand."

The God of the universe considers our grief how precious must we be to God that He cares for us, He cares that some days we cry remembering the pain. Some days we say Lord give me the strength because these waves are so big. 

John 16:20 states this (what is amazing is this is actually words Jesus himself said.)

"Very truly I will tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." 

The context of this passage is important if I learned some things from Bible College is that scripture needs to be taken in context the overall portion of this passage in John was Jesus prepping the disciples for what was to come with his death on the cross. He was prepping them that they would mourn over his death but to rejoice because their grief will turn into joy. 

Joy isn't just an emotion it is a choice; joy is different than happiness. Happiness can sometimes depend on something you could lose. Joy is stating "Lord I don't know how you will make a way, but I will continue to trust you." Joy did you know the most Joyful book written in the Bible is Philippians? When Paul was in prison. "Count it all JOY my brothers when you face many trials."

Joy sees beyond the grief, now I am not saying it isn't ok to feel your emotions, God made our emotions for a reason. Grief is part of being on this beautiful journey being a human. God didn't make our thought patterns black and white. I know I struggle at times to see the grey or the color in-between. But what if grief has some color? What if the depths of grief can produce some of the most vivid colors in your life you didn't know existed? 

He sees your tears and though sorrow may last through the night joy comes in the morning.

Please let me know how I can pray for you. I think that is all I have to write today God bless my dear friends, may you truly know how loved you are and you're not alone. 

Love, 

Makayla