The Rocky Season.

You know I wish there was a book right next to Cinderella in your childhood that would prepare you for how being an adult is actually suppose to look like and feel like. I wish there was a simple fairy godmother that made magical pixie dust and your life was alright. Well I am going to be honest my life is so hard right now oh so many people can look at me and tell me at least it isn't cancer or you aren't on your death bed Mak cheer up. But for a minute I am going to be transparent and tell you how hard it is, how hard it is having an Auto Immune Disease and not only that but they recently found I have Endometriosis. It is hard being in pain almost 24/7 having my body flare up on me and being in so much pain I am in fetal position crying. My life is no fairy tale right now or some cheery, happy sunshine and skittles song but rather a dark and kind of sad song... I want to get better I want to wake up and have my life I used to have to be happy and healthy. To not be in pain and I know this has a reason and purpose in my life. I am thankful though... Oh wait Mak how can you be thankful when you just said you are miserable? Well let me tell you. I believe in a Sovereign and Mighty God who is walking by me every mile of this journey you know from time to time I thought God would be this crazy loud voice to keep pushing forward but that isn't so much right now but rather His voice is still and small whispering in my ear to keep moving, keep walking and keep going. Because this is just a still small moment in the grand scheme of things.We take a look in the bible of Job the Lord's servant who humble himself and still stood before God willing to do whatever would bring God the most glory, He didn't give up on God and nor will I give up on God. For He has a plan and purpose sometimes we may not see it right away but that doesn't me God isn't good. I am learning the more I lose myself the more I can find myself in Him for He has truly got my back and He is faithful despite me being faithless. I can't make my pain go away as much as I want to but I know in a sense I have been ultimately healed for there will be a day where there is no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped from their eyes. No childhood book ever prepares you for adulthood but I know for certain the Bible will guide me and challenge me to go deeper and to press through. For we are free to struggle but we are not struggling to be Free. Christ paid for my sickness when He went to Calvary and one day it is going to be the most amazing moment seeing my Lord and Saviour face to face. So slowly but surely I am relying on Him for my strength daily to get me through there are some days that pain is the worst and it sucks and I can't move but I know one person who will never give up on me is Jesus. For He is my light and Salvation, He is my Refuge and My Rock and My REDEEMER.......