Heart to Heart

Well to start off this blog tonight I honestly don't know where to begin, I have noticed I am blogging alot lately but this blog isn't about me it is about what God is doing in me. I was at my summer interns today and we had a guest speaker and well the story goes we all had a paper heart and he tore his apart when he was telling us his testimony and at the end it was barely anything and well how much was left wasn't appealing to even give away. And metaphorically the paper heart represented out true hearts. And it got me pondering this thought how much of my heart am I giving God? I mean honestly can you say you are giving God right now 100% of your heart because I am not that is for sure. I think we get scared to give God OUR full attention our FULL trust our full EVERYTHING. We bring up the past situations where we have felt abandoned, lonely, mistreated, broken trust, abused, lied to... etc..... WE say but God you don't know how " I felt" in that moment in that situation... Actually he does He gave me the revelation tonight that truth be told I have never been alone. Not once or ever will I be alone. Lately my past has been coming up and I was wondering " God what are you trying to tell me" I thought I had dealt with my past but truth be told, God convicted me tonight and I had been plastering my past up with the hidden lies like I asked for forgiveness, I asked God to heal me before. But I hid my past so much that I did face to face deal with the issue it is the love of God that wants to heal it. God doesn't bring up the past for me to hurt but to rather say I am healing you redeeming you and changing you. Just when you think you cannot "heart change" any more God reveals something to you, you didn't know you buried in the depths of your soul. I think we often forget about the "past" because we lie to ourselves that "it is not that big of a deal, oh it can wait, I will wait for some one to prayer over me" and on and on an on. I don't want my past my hurt those "burdens" I have been unsuspectingly carrying around to stop me from fully experiencing the presence of the Lord. God knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows every strand of hair on our head He sees when we rise and fall. So why do we give him partial of our hearts when He knows what we have been through? What keeps us from thinking about Him every moment of the day? What is stopping us? Yes we have all been hurt, all have gunk we let no one see but why can't we just give God are full hearts weather gunk or black or stone or semi fallen apart. He can handle it because when we hand him a broken, bruised heart He loves us so much He will heal it back to a NEW creation. I think our heart are like a puzzle we try so hard to put the wrong pieces together just to get the job "done" we don't realize it is going to take more work to undo a mistake than rather taking time and putting it carefully together. Why do we put off so much when God brings up a heart issue " stop listening to that music, stop watching that show" He says that to us because He loves us. I know I don't want to deal with junk buried for years when I am 30 if God is bringing it up to me right now. I mean He brings up the junk the ugly and He makes it beautiful. But it also takes time. Like a puzzle you cannot do a 9000 piece jigsaw puzzle in 5 minutes neither can God mend your heart back together over night. It is going to take time. It is going to first start with the step do you trust God. Because if you start the healing process without trust, truth be told ( this has happened to me ) you will start off sky high then crash hard. With out trust there is no foundation of faith. Oh but yes: maybe your earthly father abused you, oh yes your experience in God's presence doesn't look like Billy Grahams the list goes on... So we put a wall up a say can't let you go beyond what I know about " TRUST" well to be frank we don't know what trust is. I don't that is a for sure one. To trust God with our hearts can only go one way that is healing, molding and rewarding. God is LOVE... So if we are not trusting Him because we have never known love, well God is Love simple as that. He sent His SON to die for us so WE could in return: love him but we are obviously human and we take that love and crumple it on the ground like a cheesy love note from a creeper guy. I think we get afraid to let God fully in our heart to reconstruct what needs to be reconstructed, because no one is perfect EVERY Single person was born into sin nature so there is not a possible way that you can say, well I am good nothing needs to be worked on in my heart, well what about that lady you flipped off while driving today, what about that thought you thought, none of us are perfect I know I am not. The next step is accepting the love, to be humble and say God you are the only thing I NEED in this life. To truly say your presence is enough for me. Your goodness is enough to sustain me in this life, I sometimes think what it would be like to be homeless, I have seen homeless people that love Jesus and think wow after losing everything you can still look to God and say that you love him? They know though that yeah they might have lost everything but the one thing they didn't lose was Jesus, because like earlier I was saying that our God will never leave us or forsake us, but it is rather us that turns our backs on him. To lay down our prideful picket fence that is "guarding" our heart and rather learn to let Jesus guard our hearts. To accept the fact that we all have screwed up but Jesus hasn't His love is PERFECT. To know, that yeah we are human but God says in Psalm 91 that we can find REFUGE UNDER him. WE don't have to work for His love, it isn't about a popularity contest but rather coming as we are. The last step I think is to keep the relationship up, once God does something incredible in your heart I think we get "emotionally" high off it for a while then we forget about it. We continue to live in sin and then eventually begin to build up hidden areas again. And then look we are back to square one. We gotta to learn that once God does something in us we need to try to refill what God has filled us with, with something that looks "better" at the moment than the presence of the Lord. I know I don't want to give the lord half of my heart or only what I feel like giving him, but rather to give him my all weather it is on a good day or a bad day. Because only GOD can make two things the dark turn to lovely and also make EVERYTHING work out for the good. I really hope this inspired you tonight! And if you are wondering how to encounter God simple step get on your knees and pray to Him, just say God I am here take me as I am.

God Bless