Behind the Walls...

Darn... it is that time again where my brain just starts to speak and here I am taking notes... First I want to draw a scene of a wall a stone wall so thick and strong and secure. We use walls to guard our homes, to protect etc, etc, etc... but my goodness we have begun to put walls around our heart with a sign KEEP OUT. I know that is a season I am going through right now is truly learning to trust people. I think the problem starts when we are young, we place stone by stone hurt after hurt till we are safe and secure from the outside world. Where we come to our little tower where everything is fine and dandy... but speaking so I then ponder the thought is everything fine and dandy? You know C.S. Lewis writes a phenomenal quote what it means to love..."To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." 

 Wow.... that is all I can say about that shoot man how many times do I do that in my own life. I have become so comfortable behind my walls that I have forgotten to love is to be vulnerable... man I hate that word I really do because when I hear vulnerable I think of me laying my heart down yet people still step on and and grind it till it is nothing but a bloody mess in the mud. How is it little children are so trusting yet us as adults become these people who enjoy walls and cages... 

 A strange thought blew my mind the other day is the idea of zoos, animals who have never been able to "be" free who don't even know what freedom must look like... ponder that thought for a minute that animals that have been caged must have a song deep down inside of them that is curious to what it looks like to escape through those bar to see the real world. 

 I think so often if we don't know how to escape those walls, the bars of our own insecurities that keep us safe where we won't get "hurt" again. I know one thing is that Jesus never built walls but let people, yes He knew what hurt was yet he still kept on trusting people because they could see the real Him. That is what I want people to see the real mean but it is hard when you hide behind the wall and only show people your toe peaking through the crack of the wall. 

 I watched Breakfast At Tiffany's the other day and I bawled my eyes at, when Audrey Hepburn is telling "fred" that she is a wild thing and you can't love a wild thing. And "Fred" simply states that she is the one who has built this cage around herself. And I honestly think that is my case scenario I have become so inclined to the comfort of my cage that I don't "want" to let people touch me or try to set me free. 

 Honestly though the person that is setting me free is Jesus it is by His blood I find my worth and slowly but surely I am starting to find that sparrow become free of its cage. With my broken wings I find myself desperately clinging to Jesus because He is the one who is going to mend the hurt back together for good. to know it is ok to come out of the cage that has been rusting away for many years. I want to be a person to let people love me and not be afraid that they are going to break my wings again, and like I said slowly but surely I am finding myself in Christ, I think part of coming out of the cage is knowing that from what I have known most my life is brokenness, broken family, broken relationships... broken love..... 

 It is peculiar that when people love me with an authentic real love I don't know what to do I honestly want to hide and run back in my cage behind my walls. But that is an area in my life God is so challenging me with is to let Him tear down the walls. 

                                                     So world here I come...... 

                                                     "A tune that only caged birds know" Jon Foreman