This past couple of months I think has been the hardest season I have ever walked through but praise the Lord Almighty, that God is ever so faithful and will not leave nor forsake His children.
There has been a lot of darkness in my life this past couple of months and it has been really challenging to walk through but the one thing that has stayed constant is my Heavenly Father. And His faithfulness. There have been many moments that the darkness felt so surreal and I felt so alone. There were many nights that I cried out to God and felt like He didn't hear me or wasn't there. Then I started to get the picture of how many people in the Bible felt the same way I was feeling.
For example Joseph in prison I am sure he felt so alone at times wondering why he was in a dark place, yet he still clung so tightly to God. The Israelite's also felt alone crying out to God for years and years and then God finally answered their pleads and cries. Then I look to the most profound of all people, Jesus hanging on that cross He cried out the Father "My God, My God why have you forsaken me." If anyone knows darkness it was Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane the darkness of that final breath on that wooden tree, hanging and bleeding for you and me. Jesus knows the pain and sorrow of abandonment, yet He was still obedient to God.
Obedience is so key in the walk with Christ, there are so many times I am so stubborn and I don't want to listen but this past weekend I listened to God. This past weekend was the women's retreat with my church and God did the most profound healing work in my life. I will not lie I have so much darkness in my heart from my past but praise God that He is a God of redemption and is FAITHFUL to complete the work He has started in my life since I asked Him into my heart in October 2008. And for some odd reason I kept holding so tightly to the deep pain inside my heart thinking that I could fix myself, that I could redeem myself.. but most of all that I could save myself. And I found I got nowhere holding onto the hurt for so long. I thought I could but I couldn't and that is where Jesus met me this weekend. That I cannot run away from the pain inside of me any longer that I had to face it head on.
It was so beautiful the work God did in my life in the Barn where all of our sessions were held this past weekend, they set up miniature rooms and it was a quiet time of reflection and prayer and my goodness God met me. One of the rooms was title "Bedroom" and in our little work books they had questions for us to reflect on and I knew this would be the hardest room for me to face and this time I couldn't run away from God because I had no where to run so instead of running away I ran to Him and He met me and did a beautiful work.
I went out to the fire where I was alone and I told God I am not going to leave this place until you have done this work in me. And He did, He removed some of the most stubborn thorns I had rotting inside my heart like an infected wound He took out the infection. And He is true and He is my foundation to which my feet rest upon. He is my Rock and I will NOT be shaken anymore and sorry but Satan you have lost my God has won this VICTORY because forever my God will reign and He is victorious!!!!
Last night in my bible study we were learning about foundations and that was also one of the key themes of the retreat was "what is my foundation?" And honestly I have forgotten for a long time on where my feet rest upon and I gave Satan a huge foothold and I let him try to sway me for too long.
Matthew 7:24-25 "Therefore whoever hears these words of mine and does them I will liken him to a wise man who built his house upon the Rock. And the rains descended, and the wind came and beat upon the house, and the flood waters rose but the the house did NOT fall for it was FOUNDED on the Rock."
Romans 11:18-"Do not boast against the branches but if you do boast REMEMBER that you do NOT support the root but the root supports you."
Ephesians 2:19-22-"Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief CORNERSTONE, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit."
Romans 13:12 "Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light."
Jeremiah 17:7-8-"Blessed is the man who TRUSTS in the Lord, and whose HOPE is in the Lord. For he shall be like a a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the River and will NOT fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be ANXIOUS in the year of the drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit."
John 15:1-8- "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."
I cannot even begin to tell you how much Scripture is ringing the truth in my life and how much more vibrant it has become in my life. To begin with the first verse I posted that I forgot that my house is built upon the Rock, I have forgotten but Praise Jesus that He helped me to remember that my foundation is upon Him. A huge thing I have learned in these past couple of months is what is genuine support, it was never about me supporting God but God supporting me. I cannot support myself I have learned but that is where God comes in and wants to support me He is the one holding me with His righteous right hand it was never about me letting God down, for I wasn't the one holding God up. To have Christ as my cornerstone a firm foundation that will not crumble when the storms come, when the waters rise and the wind comes howling I will remain steadfast in the love of Christ, that He is ENOUGH to equip me and SUSTAIN me. To put off the darkness, I never knew how much darkness and brokenness was in my heart until I came to fully surrendering it to Christ to let the light of Christ shine in the darkest parts of my being and that LIGHT is glorious. To mediating on Jeremiah 17:7-8 blew my mind away last night while reading it that BLESSED is the man who trusts in God that he is like a tree and my goodness I so desire to be like that tree. To have my roots go so deep in the Lord and to not be shaken and I am telling you God is starting that work in my life. That I don't have to fear when the heat gets turned up in my life anymore because where is my foundation? My foundation is on Christ and He is the vine and I am the branch, I am created to bear fruit in all seasons not just the easy seasons of my life but the really difficult ones as well. For my life is built on the solid rock and I am safe within His hands.
Tonight at my bible study one of the key points I learned NO-THING and NO-ONE can ever snatch me out of His hands, His love is enough for me and His precious blood that was poured out on Calvary is enough. I am so safe in His hands. For He has me and is not going to let go of me anytime soon. He has me... He is enough.
To conclude my thoughts tonight the man thing I am learning is I am safe within His hands and it is time for me to feel safe in His presence. Whom shall I fear if God is for me?
Blessings
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