Stillness is the current season I am in and let me tell you it isn't an easy one for sure. Stillness to Be Still and know that God is my God. Be Still and the Lord will fight for you....
We hear that so much but how do we respond when we actually get the chance to live it? I am not doing so well honestly trying to be still.
You know my life did a huge flip 2 months ago and my brain is now just starting to catch up and I am starting to feel emotions I didn't even know were possible. And I find myself asking God how do I move on? What are the next steps? Can you do really all that you say you will? To hug me so tightly that all my broken pieces go back together.
It is only through the blood of Christ I am made whole again. Wholeness isn't just an overnight process I am learning but it is these small steps of faith that lead to greater things.
Over a month ago I stepped onto a plane and landed in Canada for 30 days not knowing what the next day or weeks held in store for me... But not once did God abandoned me or not provided for my every need! He has now brought me into the mountains where serenity and stillness is what the land thrives off of. Where Nature echoes its praises back to its Creator. Where the night sky worships the one who created and named the stars....
And that same Creator is the one holding me fully and saying to me I am His beloved. His bride, His Daughter....
A Daughter whose King adores her. Who said I was worth dying for to be made whole, to be restored to be redeemed.....
My heart is anything but still right now, it is starting to feel the shards of glass that have been embedded but cutting so deep they have been stuck there for years. For so long, so long I have tried to put a band aid over areas of my heart that actually require open heart surgery. I want to heal and I am ready. I am ready to hand over my heart to the surgeon who formed me in my mother's womb.
I have started reading a really good book called "Your Scars are Beautiful to God." And first and foremost I HIGHLY recommend this book! It is really crazy to see how similar this author's story is to my own. I literally felt like I was reading my story on the pages of this book. Starting to realize when wounds become scars they have stories to tell. I know I have scars on my body, one from falling down a mountain my freshman year in Bible College, another actually on my arm from a recent stay in my home town, where a rock cut my forearm and left a pretty bad scar on my arm, and then the earliest scar I can remember is one on my thigh where I was at Christian Life Academy in Ohio and I was running in a dress and my Sunday shoes and slipped on the pebbles and skidded across the parking lot. But what about my internal scars? I know I have a lot of those and I am finally starting to see the workmanship the Lord has done in my heart to make those wounds into scars the healing process....
I think back to Bible College when I fell down that mountain, I needed stitches for that wound but instead the Dr. told me to just rinse it out with salt water, it didn't work... I needed stitches and that is actually what I am walking through right now is that the wounds in my heart I need the Healer.... the Great Physician. I need God to come stitch my heart back together, to stitch what was been torn and have Him mend me back together. And PRAISE GOD that He is faithful to do so! Faithful to finish the work He has started.
I am going to be honest today was a very hard day for me, a lot of it was spent in tears... But if anything I am learning that God holds my tears and He cares so deeply for me, that He is close to those whose hearts have been broken and loves His children. Loves.... oh how He loves me. But He also says though the weeping may last through the night JOY comes in the morning. He is for ME not ever against me. I think tears can be such a beautiful thing for Jesus is restoring a crown of beauty on me instead of ashes. I feel God so closely right now, His presence and His strength to help me face each day.
I am learning, learning what it means to be a daughter of the Most High. Learning truly how much God loves me and it is a beautiful thing. He has provided above and beyond anything I dare to imagine or hope for. It has been amazing how much God has provided for me when I truly have had nothing over the past two months except faith and God. To lean on God and the body of Christ....
I think that now is the next step is allowing people to walk beside me on this new journey to allow people to come in and show them my scars, to show them the Healer, the Great Physician... That when they ask how is it I am still standing I can merely reply it is only through the blood of Jesus. The blood of Christ that speaks for me and defends me. To show them hey if God pulled me through this, He can pull you through it. To let them know I finally surrender trying to control my life and gave the pen to God. To show them that Jesus stitched my broken pieces together and made me whole. Maybe my heart is like that of a rag quilt right now, I see the pieces cut but I cannot wait to see the masterpiece, the work of art God is going to stitch together for all to see!!!!
I love you all and I am praying for you readers who ever you may be!
God Bless
Please let me know how you need prayer this week!
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