All in God's Timing

Well it is one of those days I am just thinking about life. And just pondering on how good God is. I look back on some of these blog posts and think of just how far God has taken me. I remember reading one of the posts 2 years ago and it stated "I don't know where I will be in 2 years but one thing I do know is God is so good." Recently well more like for 5 months now I have been battling severe depression and was in a really dark place that I thought I would never be able to get out of. But through the amazing love and grace of Our Father and the beautiful support from my friends I have been slowly but reassuring been able to become myself again. To see the joy and the beauty in the great circle of life. I was watching the Lion King last night and the scene where Simba is talking to his dad got me thinking, when Mufasa was talking to Simba : "You have forgotten who you are." Good words I am telling you, I think during this past season I have forgotten who I am, who I AM IN GOD. What God calls and what He says I am. Because I am learning honestly nothing else in the world matters except who I am in Christ. I am a new creation, for who the Son sets free is FREE indeed. In moments of depression I forgot who I was. I can honestly tell you these past months have been a battle but I am starting to become me again and it is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. When you think you have lost yourself and starting to find yourself again. I can tell you one thing depression is like a think blanket that you can't push off that is suffocating you from the inside out. I heard a quote once and couldn't relate more "Depression is like you are drowning yet you can see everyone else around you still breathing." I knew I was defeated by depression but I think I thought that I could instantly get over it and instantly become better. I am learning that depression isn't a package of instant done it is no let's work through this crap that happened in my life so I can become a healthier person. I know that is what I want, I want to become a healthier person. To be honest I know someone really close in my life and they let depression get the best of them, they gave up on life and still lets depression win. Well guess what I am saying NO to Depression because I am not going to let it get the best of me. I am fighter, I am going to fight with the strength God has bestowed upon me to fight for His glory. I have learned something to is I cannot fight this battle alone I first and foremost need God and then the support system He has given me. I think for the longest time I was believing that lie that if I shut my friends out I can become better and won't ever get hurt but honestly like C.S Lewis states " To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." I think over these past 5 months I have decided I didn't want to be vulnerable with people any more but I am now learning it is ok to walk through depression that there is no judgement what it isn't ok to do is have a self pity party and lingering in the slimy pit of depression for years instead of doing something about it. To have self care and to tell yourself hey it is ok that I need help right now, it is ok that I am walking through this but I am NOT going to let it get the best of me, I am not going to let depression steal my identity any more because the truth is I am a daughter of the King, I am born again, I AM a new creation in Him, I HAVE BEEN REDEEMED. I am ready to step out side this dark blanket and walk in the light, I am ready to become the most healthiest version of myself. I am becoming healthy and learning that gunk that has lingered inside my heart for too long, the shattered pieces of my broken heart are starting to become beautiful. The brokenness is becoming beauty. For outer looks will perish it is the heart that will shine through that. I am looking forward to what God has next in store for me and so stoked to see how these past 5 months now play a part in my testimony for the glory of the King. God Bless you all!!!!